my fantastic life

breaking news

2011-03-10T17:27:00.001-07:00

i am now ready to reveal the brand new blog.
after a bit of time and construction, i am pleased to let you all know that our new blog address is:

drumroll...

daniandmikey.blogspot.com
(i encourage you to stalk us)

ps: 15 days left :)

coming soon to a blogosphere near you...

2011-03-06T23:51:00.011-07:00

a brand new blog for a brand new relationship status

(for those of you just tuning in, the new relationship status is married).

get ready.

i know i'm trying *to.

eeeeeek!

(19 days left!)

*side note: my thousands of dollars invested in a college education have taught me at least one useful thing: ending a sentence in a preposition really is okay. these days i do it just out of spite.

vestido.

2011-02-28T19:38:00.002-07:00

just fyi...

there is something gorgeous in this bag :)

wedding report, 46 days out...

2011-02-07T16:30:00.005-07:00

Wedding planning is CRAZY. And I feel like I'm losing my mind a little, to be completely honest. Who would have thought that planning a wedding would be this stressful? Not me, that's for sure.

But it's good to know that 46 days from today I will be happily married to Michael and will never, ever consider bridesmaids outfits, color combinations or reception food again. At least until my own kids get married... But that is not going to be for a very, very long time.

But for those of you who are curious (ahem... Rachel) I'll let you in on the progress :)

The announcements: Printed! My dear mother is working on addressing them.

The pictures: That's a different story. We are redoing them on Friday. If you haven't already noticed, I have included a few for your viewing pleasure...

The venue: Eldredge Manor in Bountiful, UT. This place is gorgeous.

The cake: stiiill in the works... But will no longer be in the works as of this Saturday at 10am. Let's just say that it is going to be a.w.e.s.o.m.e. Just wait and see.

The dress: purchased! And I love it!

The colors: revamped. For maybe the fifth time... Originally they were shades of yellow and grey, but then I bought an ivory dress. Whoops! So the colors then became coral and grey. But I was so in love with yellows that I decided to change it back to yellows for about a day. After realizing that ivory and yellow really wouldn't work together, I settled back on coral and grey. But then! Genius in the form of my little sister Maddie (Maddie of my last post) Suggested adding turquoise. Wow. Perfect. So Tiffany Blue (not quite turquoise) was added as an accent color. And guess what, I love the combination. I have heard complaints from every female in my family and Kennan via email from California, but I think they are great.

What's next on the docket? I'm glad you asked.

REGISTERING.

I have been looking forward to doing this for weeks. Fun.

&.

Valentine's Day :)

I already hacked into Michael's laptop and made a list of my Valentine's Day expectations (they include him not working & sappy love letters). I.am.excited.

!

On Turning 14: A Blog Dedicated to M. Elizabeth Richards

2011-02-05T11:19:00.006-07:00

On January 16, 1997 a little girl named Maddie came into the world, immediately making it a better place for at least 6 people residing in it. Almost 3 weeks ago (I know, this tribute post, like virtually every other thing I do, is late), this same little girl turn an entire 14 years old. In order to fully appreciate the recently-turned-14-year-old brain, I found a journal entry from right after my 14th birthday waaay back in 2002:

"Well, let's start from the beginning. 1-28-02. I turned 14. I got a cd, 2 pairs of pants, a shirt, a razor, a scarf, and money! On January 18, we went to Utah. It was a lot of fun! On February 9, I went to my 1st dance! Rebecca Jones, Tiffany Steele, Heather Spriet, Trisha Riley, Nerecie (don't know her last name) and a bunch of other people were there. For my first slow song I dance w/ Brett Smith. [Interjection: I'm going to spare you the pain of me listing off every single boy I danced with and what my little self thought of each of them...] At school, they are doing swing dancing classes. I wanna do it, I think it would be a lot of fun. I also am going out for track this year. I've got to get into shape though. I'm also gonna learn how to speak French. That would be fun! Anyways, see ya!"

Um, yeah. You could say I was deep. I remember discovering how much fun boys could be and how awesome it was to have great girlfriends. I also remember feeling like I could do anything that I wanted to do. Like learn to swing dance? Learn French? (Both of which I have yet to accomplish...) Why not? I think that 14 is when you realize that there is a lot to discover and learn from world.
So, without further ado, I would love to list my top 14 favorite things about my baby sister:
1. her blonde hair. She's the lone blonde in the family and I have always been jealous. Always.

2. The fact that she knows how to dress fashionably. Under the guidance of her older sisters, of course. But me and Jill never had an older sister to show us how to dress cute, so we ended up looking like dweebs for most of our adolescence, unlike her. Good times.

3. Teasing her about her crush: _ O _ _ E _ _ _ I _ _. Ha.

4. Her love for Taylor Swift (which i share).

5. Her sweet cheerleader moves. They're pretty impressive.

6. The fact that she is now and always will be shorter than me. Muwahahaha!

7. Her bedroom with two beds. Which=slumber parties every time I go home!

8. She can wear makeup! Hence, she is like my little doll that I can put whatever I want on her face.

9. She wears the same size shoes as me. So I get to steal and steal and steal every time I go home.

10. Her kindness. Seriously, this little girl understands the idea of forgiving and forgetting. And I for one could not be more grateful.

11. Her infectious laugh (not to be confused with an infectious disease).

12. I know that all teenagers think that they are too cool for school, but she is one of the only ones (along with me back in the day) that really is.

13. How loving she is. I think that of all of the members of our family, she has the most natural ability to love and care for others.

14. Her dance to Justin Bieber's "Eenie Meenie." It's magical.

Happy Birthday Maddles! Live it up at the stake dances :)

so about those new years resolutions...

2011-01-14T15:52:00.005-07:00

one of mine is to do things when i plan to do them. but as evidenced by the fact that this post is already two weeks overdue, i think it's pretty clear that i'm down for the count. so. here are my 2011 resolutions:

watch every episode of this
marry him
run this
set him up with his wife
drink more of this
plant one of these
have a kinder one of these
don't eat any of this for a month
get these taken out
read this 3 times
see more of this

the promised details

2010-12-12T22:01:00.009-07:00

Hello blogosphere. I can't believe I'm on here, writing the story of how I got engaged!

Crazy crazy crazy crazy crazy.

Here's how it all went down:

Michael and I started talking about the possibility of marriage an alarmingly short period of time after we started dating. As recorded in my journal, August 24th was the first time the word was spoken (I panicked inside but hid it well, I think). A mere four months after the beginning of Dani and Michael. It wasn't until a month ago, though, that we decided to move forward and actually make things happen. At which point commenced project: ring shopping.

(And you should know, the one that I fell in love with was the first I tried on.
It was love at first sight)

So. Friday night.

I was pretty sure he was gonna do it that night, but wasn't 100% sure. He picked me up a little before 7:00 after Rachelle's bridal shower (ps: that thing was so. much. fun. I love getting together with all of those girls!) and when I got in the car he asked, "So, what do you want to do tonight?"

Ugh. Annoyance. At this point I figured it wasn't going to happen.

But after I refused to give him any ideas he said: "Hey, I have an idea. I really want to eat at that place at Park City that we ate at last month." Suspicious, no? My hopes were up again. On the way to Park City though, he kept asking me what I wanted to do afterward.

More annoyance. Lack of planning=lack of engagement.

Turns out it was all a show. That tricky boy. After getting to Park City and finding our restaurant, Michael claimed that he felt sick and needed to go to the bathroom. After a long time in the bathroom, I texted Jill and said "There is no way this boy is proposing tonight :("

Increased levels of annoyance.

After dinner, he headed off to the bathroom for another long appointment, then we left to go back to Provo. Now, I was not dressed Park-City appropriate. Not even close. I was wearing a 3/4 length light jacket and flats. In the snow and freezing weather. In my defense, it was warmer in Provo and I wasn't anticipating snow when dressing for the evening. When we got closer to the car I started running.

But.

Michael, still holding my hand, grabbed onto me even tighter, yanked me into the nearest art gallery and said, "Let's just go in here."

Suspicious.

But I'm always down for a good art gallery, as long as it's warm. When we walked in, the couple greeting us had a bunch of balloons, congratulated us on being the 500th customers and said that everything in the art gallery was 50% off.

Even more suspicious.

So Michael led me to the back of the gallery to look at art. Or so it appeared. Because the next second, I turned around and he had vanished. When I went hunting for him, I found him facing a large floor-to-ceiling window looking out onto Main Street. When I got closer, he turned around with another balloon and a shiny ring in one hand.

Getting even more suspicious :)

Then. I love this part :) He got down on one knee and asked, "Dani, will you marry me?"

At which point I started screaming and jumping around like a maniac. I don't even think I said yes, he just slipped the ring onto my wrong finger with shaky hands, slipped it off of the wrong finger with shaky hands, and then slipped it onto the right finger with shaky hands.

Turns out that his sister Emily and her husband Alec set the whole thing up and were photographing us from across the street. They even met a real-life VH1 celebrity who ran over with Alec and Emily because they watched the whole thing with them. That part was kinda weird...

Either way. I am a very happily engaged woman :)
Wedding date? The jury's still out on that one...
It's going to be some time in March though. Stay tuned!!

Ps: I should clarify that both of his marathon bathroom trips were all to check up on the logistics of the impending engagement :)

Ahem

2010-12-11T14:09:00.004-07:00

i have an anouncement.

i
am
ENGAGED!!

details to follow...
in the meantime, please ogle over this little beauty:

i can't stop looking at it.

ha! blog stalking!

2010-12-07T13:28:00.003-07:00

Guess what, peeps.

I'm a winner!
As evidenced by this blog.

Who would have thought that blog creeping would have worked out so well?
how fun!

thanks justlikemarypoppins.blogspot.com, i will wear the morange well :)

confession

2010-12-01T13:24:00.012-07:00

I love public speaking. Like, love it.
I just found out that for a final I have to give a presentation. And I couldn't be more excited. I know some people get freaked out by this kind of stuff, but I just can't empathize.

Because I love trying to work a crowd.

Which is why I love my calling as a Sunday school teacher.

Not to mention why I considered teaching high school for so long.

And also why I might run for public office someday.

Just get me a microphone and a bored audience and I am the happiest of campers.

Ps: After reading this by Sister Amy M., now off in the Provo MTC waiting to go to the Philipines, I went and purchased Smith's Rosebud Salve from Sephora, my favorite store on this entire earth. And guess what, that girl was not lying. This stuff is now an every-day staple for me too. i. love. it. But beware, it's pronounced "SAV," not "SALVE" like it's spelled. I had to find that one out the hard way... Pronunciation issues aside, go buy it now!

my philosophy?

2010-12-01T00:10:00.003-07:00

Does anyone else wish this quote wasn't true?

Sheesh.

If it were up to me, I'd stylize this number instead:

"Don't let your work time get in the way of your play time."

Because you know what? I have a sneaking suspicion that "someday" never comes. You know why? Because Henry B. Eyring told me so. You don't believe me? How about this? Eh?

I wish there were never things we needed to do. But alas, finals are coming in a mere 13 days, and I have a giant list accruing of all the things I need to do.

The onslaught is coming...

the adventures of a monday

2010-11-29T17:17:00.008-07:00

I just dropped way too much money to print off 8 articles for a research paper about Tom Stoppard's play, Arcadia. At least that was what I meant to do. Instead, I printed off 100+ pages worth of the exact. same. article. At least now I'll become intimately familiar with "The Playwright and the Professors: An Interview with Tom Stoppard" by Katherine E. Kelly and William W. Demastes. And the best part? Yes. I printed all 100 sheets, though black and white, through the color printer.

And that is officially the dumbest thing I've done this week.
Sigh.
It's only Monday.

blizzard (not the delicious DQ variety)

2010-11-29T14:04:00.007-07:00

This is what my Sunday looked like for 11 straight hours.
For those of you who aren't familiar with the commute between B-town, OR and Provo, that is an entire four hours longer than it usually takes.

Luckily, little Dekker (who isn't that little, interestingly) drove through all of the ugly stretches. Which as it turns out, was 9 of the 11 hours on the road.
Dekker=my hero.

So are these things, which I happily rediscovered on this marathon roadtrip:

And Taylor Swift, who might as well be crowned Princess of America, who served as the official roadtrip entertainment.
If you haven't heard this album, I honestly am at a loss as to how you've managed to avoid such a large chunk of pop culture.
Just go listen to it. Do it. Give in. All the cool kids are doing it...

Ps: this is my attempt to preserve a portion of Project: Gratitude...
Today I am grateful for: these cutie boots! I'm starting to fall hard for all things North Face. And my warm toes are definitely not hating.

Pss: BYU lost to Utah :( Sad.

Psss: MY BROTHER'S TEAM WON THEIR GAME!! Needless to say, after screaming pretty much the entire four-hour game long, my voice was a little pained. They won 47-29 and will be playing next week for the state title. Exciting, no? And that little guy ran for an 81-yard kickoff return! Ha he's so cute. You can read all about it here and here :)

a great day for football

2010-11-27T11:20:00.009-07:00

Anybody else ready for this?

I think things look promising for the cougs today :)

I remember after last year's victory when Max Hall went off on this controversial little tirade. Everyone shook their finger at him publicly, but privately was thrilled that someone had finally voiced what we have all been feeling for years.

Amen, Max. Amen!

On a related topic, my baby brother Colten is playing in the semi-finals of the Oregon 4A state championship football tournament! Here is his adorable little mug in the newspaper.Fortunately, as per Thanksgiving break, I will be able to actually watch the game! I'm excited. My family is in Hillsboro, on the west side of the state right now waiting for a few hours before the game starts. In the meantime, my dad is spending his energy by loudly making snide comments about environmentalists when we find ourselves in large groups of native western-Oregonians. At the very least it's been pretty entertaining.

Holy War kickoff is at 1:30 at Rice-Eccles Stadium.

Baker-Gladstone kickoff is at 2:15 at Hillsboro Stadium.

Ready... BREAK!

Project: Gratitude, Day 16

2010-11-26T23:07:00.004-07:00

I am a little ashamed at not having finished Project: Gratitude the day I was supposed to. I was so good about it until the very. last. day. How annoying is that? Sigh. Well I'm going to make up for it and finish this project though it is almost a full two days late. Over the past few days, I have been grateful for technology.

Isn't it so cool? I mean think about it. There are people literally all over this giant world who I love and I can communicate with them in a matter of a few seconds. And today my family drove more than 300 miles in a few short hours and the whole time, I was communicating with people in Utah. Back in the days of the Oregon Trail it would take a month to get that far and letters took about the same amount of time! We can have conversations with people who are hundreds of miles away, travel quickly, send letters and notes in the blink of an eye and access information about pretty much anything in the world faster than has ever been possible in the history of time. Just take a second and think about how blessed we are to be alive today. It really is incredible.

Project: Gratitude, Day 15

2010-11-25T00:54:00.003-07:00

Well, I am nearing the end of Project: Gratitude. For those of you getting sick of this series, hang in there. I only have two left. Who knows, maybe I'll start another series after this? Either way, today I am grateful for (please brace yourself for the corniness that is coming) love.

On Monday during my last class, we were having a conversation about a scene in Mrs. Dalloway by Virginia Woolf when Clarissa Dalloway's husband, Richard realizes how much he loves his wife and resolves to go find her and tell her. He goes and buys her flowers, but when he reaches her, he only gives her the flowers and can't bring himself to express his feelings.

It seems like situations like this are the case far too often. Why is it so hard to say those words, not just to a significant other, but to a parent, sibling, or friend? It is such an intimate phrase. There isn't a higher expression of attachment or respect in our language and saying it really opens up the possibility of rejection. On the other hand, we can't expect someone to reciprocate our feelings, because that is not love. Love is unconditional, whether reciprocated or not.

It is such a miracle to love someone! I mean honestly. Is there a higher compliment you can give somone than to love them?

So. My challenge to anyone stumbling across this blog is to not make the same mistake as Richard Dalloway. If you love someone, tell them. Right now. Each day. Every time you think it. It is such an amazing blessing to be able to love, and that is what I am grateful for today.

Project: Gratitude, Day 14

2010-11-23T23:36:00.009-07:00

Today I am grateful for rest.

Since being home (approximately 24 hours),

I have taken a ridiculous amount of time to do this: watched way too many hours of this: Spent an inordinate amount of time using pretty much all of these:

and not worried for a second about this:

Yep, my life is great. And that is why today, I am grateful for rest.

Project: Gratitude, Day 13

2010-11-23T01:44:00.004-07:00

Today I am grateful that prayers are answered, as evidenced by the fact that I am home safely despite Mother Nature's best efforts. And yes, I realize that this particular point is a little ironic considering my Day 11 post, but after staring at this scene for four hours as I tediously made my way from Happy Valley to my happy home, I am quite wintered out for now.

I know that the many micro-prayers said as I traveled along slushy/icy/snowy/windy/blizzardy roads today were answered because there is someone listening to and answering every word I pray. The ability to communicate with our loving and concerned Heavenly Father is amazing. It's not just because of this experience that I know that prayer is real, but today I am more grateful for it than usual.

Project: Gratitude, Day 12

2010-11-21T21:25:00.004-07:00

Today I am grateful for music. As per the previously mentioned snowstorm last night, I broke into my stash of Christmas music and have been enjoying it all day long. And I feel perfectly justified in listening to it even though Thanksgiving has not yet passed. Also, today in Relief Society it was announced that my ward choir is preparing for a Christmas music fireside, so I happily went and sang my little heart out. And had more than a few flashbacks to BHS Bel Canto, Thomas L. Isaacson, Vespers, and clingy black dresses that hugged all the wrong curves of my body. Mmm... good times. I have always loved music and over the years have become a bit of a popular music snob. And I don't usually broadcast this {at least loudly} to the world, but in high school I was the epitome of a choir geek. Glee was seriously my life. Except for the part about my voice being so sublimely beautiful that people put me on TV. I did somehow get a part in the single musical that I auditioned for, but that's all I can brag of. Oh, and did I mention that my choir was ridiculously amazing? I guess not. But seriously. It was.

Anyway, I figure that some of you might be in the market for some new Christmas music, so here are a few of my favorites :) Enjoy!

The First Noel--Mormon Tabernacle Choir {arr. Mack Wilberg}

Infant Holy, Infant Lowly--Mormon Tabernacle Choir {arr. Mack Wilbert}

Winter Song--Ingrid Michaelson & Sara Bareilles

Christmas Eve--Celine Dion

Jingle Bells/Sleigh Ride through the Snow--Mickey Mouse and Friends :) {this song is like listening to my childhood. I seriously love it!}

The First Noel {feat. Faith Hill}--Josh Groban
I couldn't find a youtube video, but trust me, this song is awesome!

What Christmas Means to Me--Stevie Wonder

Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas--Martina McBride
{please ignore the fact that this video is hideous}

Really beautiful music has a little bit of a crazy effect on me. I remember the first time I discovered music that I loved {Jimmy Eat World, circa 2001}, I obsessed. Let's talk about playing a single song on repeat for hours in a day and days in a week. I bet I drove my mother to the breaking point. But man, I just can't get enough when it comes to awesome music.
Enjoy the Christmas {as well as all types of} music, friends! It's awesome!

ps: do not under any circumstance listen to Green Day/Simple Plan/My Chemical Romance/Secondhand Serenade/anything with a whiny lead singer who clearly hates his life. Nobody should like that garbage. Ugh.

Project: Gratitude, Day 11

2010-11-21T12:58:00.003-07:00

Though it is now well into day 12 of my day 11 post, yesterday I was grateful that winter is coming. Last night I was driving through Provo Canyon with Michael in the middle of a snowstorm and had a hard time keeping my eyes off of the snow and on the road (which was kind of scary, actually. Turns out that Provo Canyon is a little bit of a dangerous place to be during a snowstorm). There is something hypnotizing about falling snow (thank you, Michael for pointing that one out), and the first snowfall of year is particularly magical. Honestly, I don't think there is much in this world that is more beautiful than brand new snow falling to the ground in the middle of the night, before it gets dirty and squished by tires and feet. I love it.

Yesterday, I was grateful for snow.

Project: Gratitude, Day 10

2010-11-19T14:46:00.002-07:00

Today I am grateful for the pop culture phenomenon that is Harry Potter. Books. Movies. Trivia. Overpriced paraphernalia. Butterbeer. Hatred for Lord Voldemort. Hogwarts. Dumbledore before he was gay. Etc. etc. etc. I believe everyone else in the world is grateful for this as well today, when we can all pretend that our bespectacled, parent-less magical hero is real, that his journey isn't quite over yet, and that he is our personal best friend. As of 10:10 pm tonight, I am going to escape into his magical world and battle Tom Riddle at his side. Ah yes, today I am way too grateful for The Boy who Lived.

Project, Gratitude, Day 9

2010-11-19T00:36:00.013-07:00

I'm 36 minutes past November 18, but I need to say what I was grateful for today because I was thinking about it all day long.

Today I am grateful for organization. Why? Because my mother's organizationally gifted (and recessive) genes somehow did not make it into my genetic makeup. I am sloooowly starting to realize that when my life feels messiest, it is always reflected in the state of my bedroom. Homework. Habits. Hairstyles. Stream of consciousness. Lowered tolerable levels of stress. Etc times infinity. You see, just as a mess is prone to do, it spills over into all sorts of places that it shouldn't.

Why am I thankful for this, you ask? Well. Because rather than let the general clutter that fills my life takeover and eat me alive, I have decided to declare war. No more of this disorganized nonsense. You see, someday I aspire to be the woman who made this happen:

And this:

oh yeah, and this:
this:and finally, this:

Just get it in your heads that someday, I am going to be super-mom.
I'll try to get it into mine too.
But for today, that is what I am grateful for: organization.
And the knowledge that someday I can be just that.

Project: Gratitude, Day 8

2010-11-17T23:50:00.006-07:00

Today I am grateful for BYU Cougar basketball. And for my friends who started waiting in line at the Marriott Center at 10:00 am to watch the Utah State game. It was well-worth it. Mmm... I love me some basketball season.

I echo this message to Aggies out there who actually entertained the thought of beating us:

I hope the ride from Logan was worth it. Maybe next year.
Or maybe not...

Project: Gratitude, Day 7

2010-11-16T14:02:00.002-07:00

Today (and every day when I finish a great run) I feel so grateful for my body. In particular, I am grateful that it is well-functioning and puts up with all of the demands I place upon it. As examples, the Redrock Relay and the Halloween Half Marathon. Despite running it into the ground during both of these events, it is happily handling the daily grind as I get ready for another beating in April. I am grateful that I have a body that works exactly the way it is supposed to and that I enjoy using it to its fullest capacity. That's my favorite. And that is also why today I choose to be grateful for my body.

Project: Gratitude, Day 6

2010-11-15T11:30:00.005-07:00

Today (and every day) I am grateful for this boy. I don't know how much he's going to appreciate me writing a blog dedicated entirely to him, but just like he had to put up with playing dress-up on Halloween, he's going to have to put up with me raving about him to the world :)

Speaking of Halloween... Here we are as Jack and Sally from The Nightmare Before Christmas.
He hates dressing up, but he told me that I could do whatever I wanted for costumes.
I think this picture pretty effectively sums up our respective feelings about the night.

Anyway back to the subject. Michael Everton. My favorite person I have ever met. He makes me happy. He listens to me. He makes me a better person. He puts up with my craziness. He makes me laugh. And he loves me despite my many...oddities. Because of these reasons and so many more, he is what I am most grateful for today.

Ps: this is my favorite picture of us. Except for the fact that my pallid skin makes me appear almost Twilight-esque, I love it. And him.

Project: Gratitude, Day 5

2010-11-15T00:47:00.003-07:00

Today I am grateful for my calling. Yes, you read that right. I'm grateful for my calling. I love teaching Gospel Doctrine! This lesson touched me so deeply as I taught the ten people (ha) who came to my class.

We discussed trials and how they shape us. I had a thought that one of the reasons we have trials is to be able to empathize with others. I was thinking that one of the reasons I go through trials might be because I might have a child some day who has to face the exact same problem and I'll know how to comfort him or her because I have been through that same situation. This got me thinking a little. I realized that this is the very point of the Atonement. Jesus Christ has experienced every single trial that I go through and every intimate detail of pain that I feel. Why? So that He would be able to know how to comfort me because He has suffered through that exact experience. Every time I think about this incredible gift, I am overwhelmed by the amount of love that went into the planning of this life. That's what it all is about. Love.

The point is that I had this revelation because I have the opportunity to teach every other week in my ward. Because of this, today I am grateful for my calling.

Project: Gratitude, Day 4

2010-11-13T13:18:00.008-07:00

Yesterday I was grateful for my boys, but today I feel especially grateful for the girls I have been privileged to be friends with in my life.

The daughters Barfuss (Emily and Whitney in the first picture and Rachel in the next). I would just like to say that I am really grateful that we are still friends after more than a decade.
I think that's a sign for something :)

SHS (From the left: Sara/Ally/Jill/Jessica/Beth/me).
Coolest high school clique. Ever. Not to mention incredible friends.

My Dormies (From the left: Crystal/Loraina/me/Lauren/Hannah/Meagan).
I don't think anything can compare with the fun we had together. Love love love.

And today...
(Top row from the left: Audrey/Lene/me/Sarie;
Bottom row from the left: Sara/Lynne/Rachel/Rachelle).
I love all of you. Way too much.

Thank you all for being such amazing friends. I am grateful for each one of you!

Project: Gratitude, Day 3

2010-11-12T10:12:00.003-07:00

Today, I am grateful for the weekend. Specifically, I am excited about this combination of men in my life (in order of appearance) all within the same four-hour period of time:

Yep, I am grateful for the ability to take a break from life and have fun. Especially when the last boy is involved. And the first... Because my heart belonged to him first so I think it's only fair to be able to appreciate them both together.

Ps: I saw this video last Thanksgiving season and loved it. Mr. Red-Striped-T-Shirt is my favorite, fyi. So here you go, blogosphere, enjoy!

Project: Gratitude, Day 2

2010-11-11T14:04:00.015-07:00

After taking a 2-hour lunch today with this kid...

figuring out what I am grateful for is easy.

I am grateful for this eternal bff...

This lovable goofball who chose to give two years of his life to preach the gospel in California...

This punk who thinks he's too cool for school (but loves us all deep down somewhere):

This little sharer of interest in brightly-colored toenails, who is so easy to love...

And these two who put up with way too much grief from me in high school, who I will never be able to adequately thank for all that they've given me...

To all six of you (yes, even you, Colten): I love you and am so grateful for you!

Project: Gratitude, Day 1

2010-11-10T14:07:00.008-07:00

Though already ten days into November, I have decided to spite the University and never-ending slew of homework and celebrate the holidays!

I'm just going to pretend that I didn't forget a whole 10 days worth of gratitude and plunge headfirst (because let's face it, that's how I approach most ideas that pop into my mind anyway) into the first day of Project: Gratitude.

Of all of the incredible blessings in my life, which am I most grateful for today?

There are many, many answers that pop into my mind, but of them all, the blessing I am most grateful for is the Atonement of Jesus Christ.

Story Time:
A few weeks ago I was having a hard time. I was frustrated with myself (as is a common human experience, I believe) for not doing as well as I thought I should have been in several different areas of my life. After dwelling on this for awhile, the thought came into my mind that Heavenly Father doesn't see me in terms of my failures and struggles. When I look at myself, sometimes this is all I can see, but when Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ look at me, they see who I will become. I am not measured by them in terms of what I can (or can't) do, but by how hard I am trying to become that person They already see in me.

Isn't that amazing?

More than anything else, that is what I am so overwhelmingly grateful for each day of my life.

Because of Him, I can change.

the most wonderful time of the year

2010-10-21T18:04:00.006-06:00

omg.
i love halloween more than any other day of the year.

and for the life of me, I can't figure out a good costume. i really loved loved loved my zombie costume from last year and can't think of anything that comes close to it. here is my genius brainchild from halloween '09 (i know i look a little moody, but i was going for terrifying...):

it needs to be scary, that is my only requirement. Here are some of my ideas in no particular order:

zombie pt. 2
mummy
skeleton
ghost

what should i do!? help help help!

time traveling

2010-09-17T12:22:00.004-06:00

Today in my English 374 class, my professor told us about an exchange that he had with one of his students from a lower-level class who told him that she was thinking about changing her major from English because she doesn't like that we read about amazing things, experiences and ideas every day, but never get to experience them ourselves. As a result, my professor shared this experience, handed "To Autumn" by John Keats to each of us, and after a little biographical background about this poet, sent us out to "the most beautiful place [we could] find on campus" with instructions to think about what the poem is saying and how it affects our lives.

Turns out that this little assignment had a pretty big impact on me. Maybe it's because I am a bit in love with John Keats, beyond the grave as he might be. Maybe it's because "To Autumn" is simply that great of a poem. Or maybe it's because I obsess a bit over the Romantic period in general. Either way (and I promise I will get to the point of this blog in a second), I really think I was born on the wrong continent during the wrong century. I would have been there every step of the way with my boys Blake, Wordsworth & Coleridge, Shelley & Byron (their poetry, at least...), and Keats (my favorite of all). There was so much emotion during this period that was associated with all of the right things: political and social reform (French and American Revolutions, anyone?), all things Gothic (all you Halloween-lovers out there know what I'm talking about), and the almost existential love of nature. And the fabulous dresses. Let's not forget about those. It's true that there were some rough things going on, but I still connect with all of the emotion flying around at this time. It was the style for people to go around feeling and experiencing and savoring and appreciating and living every aspect of their lives with pure passion for each part, knowing that the ideal is a reality.

Unfortunately, that time period along with its values are gone. Today we insist on productivity, streamlining and outcomes over beauty, experience and creation. Do we appreciate all that is beautiful in the world? I guess the question that needs to be asked is, do I appreciate all that is beautiful in my world? The conclusion that I reached today while reading "To Autumn" in the MOA garden is no. And I want that to change. Because very very soon, this period of my life is going to be over. And I want to look back on it, having felt every moment of it. I want to have chewed up every bit of my life and found all that there was to learn from it.

Emo? Maybe. But I had the revelation that all of my favorite guys from this period were really really (probably annoyingly) emo. So I guess I'm just gonna have to embrace it. I will not under any circumstance listen to Secondhand Serenade, Green Day, or My Chemical Romance though. That is where I draw black kohled line.

current craving

2010-09-02T01:19:00.006-06:00

Slow Dancing in USANA Amphitheater

2010-08-30T23:21:00.006-06:00

This song makes me a little weak in the knees. Honestly, I don't think anyone has composed anything more perfect than the opening guitar line of this song. You agree, no?

And just so you know, I will be watching him onstage and listening to him play in less than 24 hours.

Oh dear.

The only thing that makes this little scenario less than perfect is the fact that Cute Boy isn't going with me. Curse the BYU Accounting program!

Ps: for those who don't love profanity, make sure to skip 2:46-2:49 of this clip :)

Lately

2010-08-24T12:23:00.008-06:00

1.
I have decided that I am a bit too pale for August 24. I am have decided to reinstate my tan through hour-long appointments with the sun every day until it becomes too frigid to do so.

2.
I miss my blonde hair (quick aside: The word 'blonde' only applies to females. The word 'blond' on the other hand can refer to either a man or a woman. Crazy crazy crazy. I love words). I dyed it brown because bleaching it was becoming too damaging, but it turned blue over my highlights. Eek. So I went to get it fixed and it worked for awhile but now it's turning red. Sigh. I think I'm going to take matters into my own hands pretty soon...

3.
James Morrison Radio on pandora.com.
My latest love.

4.
I pretty much swear by this philosophy. And I have recently acquired a copy of the book behind it all (c/o Jill and Brando. Who may or may not ever see it again...). So you should all know that if I run into you within the next two weeks I am going to categorize you based on what color I think you are and then figure out exactly how to make you like me more based on your color. Because guess what, I am a Yellow. Starved for attention/adoration and all.

5.
No one loves this man more than me. Except maybe himself. Either way, I'm going to his concert in exactly one week. It's gonna be Obsession 2008 all over again, so brace yourselves (Jord: you had better be going too!).

i believe in mickey mouse

2010-08-18T10:18:00.003-06:00

Lately I have been craving the happiest place on earth.
And I know I'm probably driving Cute Boy crazy begging him to go, but I just can't stop thinking about it!

Here are my favorite things about this place:
Big Thunder Mountain Railroad
New Orleans Square
Firework shows above the castle
Funnel Cakes
Indiana Jones
Disney music audible from every point in the park
Splash Mountain
Mouse sightings
Me starting to believe that all of the stories are real

Sigh.

My Mid Year Resolution

2010-08-17T11:01:00.005-06:00

A week ago today I was sitting in Oregon on the banks of the Columbia River with my mom and her sister, having an animated conversation about shaving. It went somewhere along the lines of this:

Auntie Trish: "I shave every day."
Me: "Whaaat!? (reflecting upon my own shaving habits)"
Auntie Trish: "Yep, I have a little routine and I get it all done."
No: "Wait, you shave everything. Every day."
Auntie Trish: "Yeah, I just hate the feeling of not shaving."

At another time, I was listening in on one of Brandon and Jill's conversations when Brandon's hand happened to brush Jill's leg. Here's the conversation that followed:

Brandon: "Jill! You told me that you would start shaving more often we were married!"
Jill: [Silence]

After considering both of these conversations, I decided that I want adopt my aunt's practices. Surprisingly, I have been successful thus far.

But it has only been a week... We'll see where I'm at a month from now.

$829.66

2010-08-14T12:04:00.003-06:00

The title of this post is the amount of money that was handed to me by Provo city four days ago for damages done to my car by city workers while cutting branches off of a tree. I honestly can't think of more fortuitous circumstances. It is just bad enough that some of the paint scratched off, meaning that in order to fix it completely, an auto body shop would have to repaint almost the entire side of my car. But it's not bad enough that you can see it without careful scrutinization. So I took my car in to get some quotes, dropped said quotes off at the Provo city Legal Department and two weeks later received the check signed by Uncle Sam. Mmm yes. I love me some insurance fraud.

On a completely different note, did you know that the 'a' in the word 'fathom' rhymes with 'apple' and not 'father'? Because guess what, I just found out last night. My world was rocked by that little grammatical earthquake. And I am still suffering from the aftershocks.

22.5

2010-07-28T17:42:00.005-06:00

Today I happily realized that it is my half birthday.

And it's going to be a great day!

Why?

1. My mamma. In Provo.

2. Both of my sisters. In Provo.

3. Cute Boy. Meeting all of them.

4. Dinner tonight.

5. Me lying at aforementioned dinner to get free birthday desserts.

the best thing ever

2010-07-26T10:58:00.003-06:00

and i am going to be a part of it.

honestly, this might just be the best thing created in modern history.

and no, i don't think that statement is a bit of an exaggeration.

funniest video. ever.

2010-07-23T15:49:00.004-06:00

thanks lene for showing me this little gem :)

i LOVE my major

2010-07-14T23:18:00.008-06:00

but.

if given the chance,

i might give up my passion for the written word

to swim around with these little guys all day long...

someone take me to the ocean, please.

and make it soon.

hello yellow

2010-06-28T10:22:00.003-06:00

Welcome to my newly-renovated blog! Do you love the rocket ships and robots? Because guess what, I do too. I figured I might as well write a little post since I spent a bunch of time playing around with the layout. Hence, I would like to take this little opportunity to say:

I love summertime!!

Yes, it's true. I really really do (Ha, a rhyme. You're welcome for that little taste of culture). I am turning into a tan woman, not working nearly as hard as I should be, but making up for it with the energy that I'm putting into playing. I love it. Maybe too much. Is anyone else beside themselves with excitement for the FOURTH OF JULY? I am so so grateful to be an American and love that we have the opportunity to celebrate the awesomeness that is the United States of America. Plus the fact that we get to play with sparklers all night is pretty sweet.

rules for my life

2010-04-04T22:21:00.004-06:00

1. read your scriptures. every day. like it.
2. let things go.
3. there are not many good excuses to not be wearing mascara.
4. everyone has things they have to do. you can either hate doing them or like doing them. try to like doing them for a change.
5. stay in contact with the people you love.
6. allow yourself to be a little obsessed with things (running, makeup, romantic poetry, boys, etc).
7. remember that all things happen for a reason.
8. give people the benefit of the doubt.
9. always have chapstick handy.
10. be honest and straightforward with people. they like it. and you'll like yourself for it.

Yes Please

2010-03-29T00:25:00.004-06:00

Sephora has come to Provo.
And I can't decide if this is the best thing to have happened to me... or the wor$t.

LOTR-Fest 2010 Part 1, Installment 2

2010-03-22T17:24:00.006-06:00

Yes that's right.
Half an hour a day of LOTR starting with The Fellowship until the end of the semester.

Party starts every night at 11.
Come come come!

3.20.10: The Saddest Day

2010-03-21T19:01:00.002-06:00

Kansas lost.
BYU lost.

March Madness was so fun until both of my teams lost. Right after each other. On the same court.

My Friend Theo

2010-03-15T01:44:00.002-06:00

comes home in 9 days!
Party in the USA coming soon.

Dear World

2010-03-03T01:32:00.004-07:00

My back is broken.

Literally. I am not paralyzed or anything crazy like that, but there are two hairline fractures in my spine.

Ugh.

All I want to do is go out and run and run until I puke (I have never actually done that, but it sounds amazing after more than two weeks of living a sedentary lifestyle).

Annoyance.

um yes, yes i do plan on doing this

2010-02-12T02:25:00.009-07:00

fact 1:
there is nothing on this entire planet cuter than a puppy.
nothing.
fact 2:
i am adopting one.

i only hope that
1. rachelle has been lying all along about her "dog allergies,"

that
2. audrey has been lying about hating dogs
(which has long led me to suspect that she has no heart),
and
3. that lynne won't mind if i don't bother asking.

i am going to name her either callie or izzy
because yes, i do love grey's anatomy enough to do that.

Y'all (and More)

2010-02-03T00:38:00.002-07:00

During the first week of January, I flew to the deep and dirty south for the wedding of my bestie, Hannah Shirley. Now let me tell you, I have been hearing about how great that place is for going on 4 years now from Hannah, Lauren and Meag, but I was not expecting it to live up to the hype. However now, after having actually visited and experienced Raising Kane's, Cafe du Monde, Hudson's and the bayous of New Orleans (kind of...), I am now officially in love with the south. Hence, I would like to dedicate this blog post to all of you crazy southerners who admitted that you have blog-stalked me (and also to those of you who didn't admit it but probably have done it anyway). Trust me, I am going to return the favor :)

I have never felt so close with a giant group of people that I had known for really only a few hours. It was incredible! The phrase 'Southern Hospitality' actually means something to me now! Thank you so much. Y'all have a special place in my heart. And sorry to be so corny, but you people have it coming. If only you had more nephews... That is my single complaint.

And Hannah. Shoot you looked AWESOME. I am so glad I was able to be there for your wedding! You and Dalaney are so perfect for each other. I couldn't help thinking that the entire weekend. I am so happy for you two. And I'm coming over to get my Cafe Rio soon... you have been warned. Although now that I think about it you are definitely going to get a warning text prior. I wouldn't want to interrupt...things.

Fast forward to January 28, my BIRTHDAY. This year I had a blacklight dance party (man, colored text is funnn). I don't know about everyone who came, but I thought it was awesome! Not to mention the cake. So thanks errabody who came and brought some, brought glowsticks (I have your $$$, Crystal), figurine dinosaurs, etc! You people rock!

Today: I have decided to add canyoneering to my list of things that I want to become proficient in very very soon. I have been ridiculously intrigued by it for several years now, and I just decided to actually go ahead and learn how to do it. Yes that is right. I, Dani Richards, am going to descend into the depths of a canyon with water, a rope, a harnass, a map, an attractive man (I will be recruiting very soon) and some makeup (not a joke) and make it out alive! I can't wait!

In other news, both Rachelle and Audrey have mono... And I don't know if it is because I have a tendency to be a tad bit hypochondriachal, but my throat is hurting a little bit. Eek. Ha but that would be fun to tell people. Think about it. We'll see how my immune system feels though. I shall keep you all posted. Ciao!

Ah, Nostalgia

2009-11-11T01:56:00.005-07:00

The other day while walking through the Wilk I happened to pass a boy wearing perhaps the most unusual pants I have ever witnessed adorning a human body. I was giggling to myself until I saw his face and realized that it was a boy I had a giant crush on freshman year for about a week (well, the crush was about as giant as a weeklong crush could possibly be). He is British (sigh...love the accent) with brown skin and green eyes (man, I am a sucker for a boy with pretty eyes. Tell you what. It's like a curse). Yikes, that boy is smokin. I met him Friday September 1, 2006 (I checked my journal from freshman year for verification on that one. (Um, let me explain: I am a little bit of a nut about journaling. I can pretty much tell you what I was doing on any given night for the past decade. I have filled 9 journals with my crazy ramblings. And that is not an exaggeration, though I almost wish it was because there is a lot of embarrassing stuff in those volumes. Anyway, back to the story...)) at a women's volleyball game. I had to ask him what his name was literally four times because of the accent as well as the noise in the fieldhouse. And guess what. I never actually figured out what it was. I just gave up asking because I felt like an idiot screaming "WHAT!?" into his ear five times. Four was okay, but five was pushing the limits of social decorum. Anyway, I like to think that we loved each other for the duration of the volleyball game, after which the differences of class (him living in DT and me in Helaman) drove us apart. It would have been asking far too much for us to have bridged the socioeconomic gap. Alas, we were merely two star-crossed lovers for an hour or so.

What is the point of this story, you ask? Men: don't ever buy pants with flanel sewn into the inner thighs and elastic around the bottoms of the legs. Ew. Pretty eyes, but where in the world did he get those horrible pants? Maybe they're all the rage in Europe, but here in the states they just make girls like me laugh to themselves as they pass.

My Nutty Roommate Audrey (and other things)

2009-09-20T20:14:00.010-06:00

This is going to be a long post... :)

1.
These first few weeks at BYU have been so.much.fun. My anticipation that Audrey and Rachelle would be great roommates has definitely been met, as they are two very cool girls. Since Rachelle has a boyfriend and hence is not around all of the time, me and Audrey have been spending quite a lot of time together, which has led me to one fascinating conclusion: she is certifiably crazy. I shall expound. Audrey is a self-proclaimed creature of habit. We have twice gone to the grocery store together and she always buys the exact same things. Every time. She eats a nightly bowl of cereal at 10:00. She presses the snooze button twice on her alarm clock every day before getting up. I don't understand it. Also, she is obsessed with Michael Jackson, something that I don't relate to. At all. It has, however, been highly entertaining to observe.
This is us at the pep rally on Thursday before the game. It was actually really cool to be in the stadium at night when it was almost completely empty.

2. As mentioned in the first part of this post, Rachelle has a boyfriend. His name is Tyler. Because of this, Rachelle, Tyler, Audrey and I have frequently found ourselves hanging out together. Rachelle, wanting to increase our social circle (and also looking out for her roommates), asked Tyler to find men for Audrey and I so that we don't always feel like the respective third and fourth wheels of their relationships. Charity boys, essentially. So Tyler goes directly to Andrew Smith, one of my friends from freshman year, and asks him to hang out with us on the weekends. He meant to be nice, but it only had the effect of making us feel slightly pathetic. Thanks for the thought though, Tyler!

3. You know what feels great? Turning in a paper that you know you aced. It's AWESOME!

4. Daniel C. Richards. In case you're just tuning in, read this post to see what I'm talking about. Anyway, after 3 long years of having this boy's phone number in my contacts list in my cell phone, I texted him: "Um hello. Are you married?" to which he responded: "Yes. Who is this?" So ends the saga.

5. I love tv. A lot. So much, in fact that I build my work schedule around my tv schedule. The catch to all of this is that my apartment doesn't actually have a tv... So how do I solve this dilemma? Gold's Gym. It is the best thing ever. I just go to the gym and work out during my shows! It solves the problem I have been having ever since getting here of when to work out because I could never find the time. Do you see the implications of this? There are some days when I am working out for HOURS because of my dedication to primetime television. I am now going to take this opportunity to share with the world my television lineup:
Mon: Gossip Girl (1 hour)
Tues: The Biggest Loser (2 hours)
Wed: Glee, SYTYCD (2 hours)
Thurs: The Office, Grey's Anatomy (1-2 hours depending on the week)

6. Twilight. I hate. So so much. I have read them all though, sadly and seen the movie. I always try to find ways to justify this to myself, but there really is no good excuse. It is unpardonable. Rachelle and Audrey feel the exact same way about this situation. So the other day, I come home from work and they show me the trailer that just came out for the new movie. Here it is: Again I feel like I have to say: I HATE TWILIGHT! But...this movie...actually looks okay. Not to mention Dakota Fanning, who looks amazing. I am cautiously intrigued by it. What does everybody think??

7. As promised, for Beth Price :) Last Saturday night, after BYU beat Tulane, me, Audrey, Rachelle and Tyler (ha) went out to the airport again to meet the team coming into the Provo airport. There were only a few hundred people this time though. After he got off the plane, Bronco said to the crowd: "Last week was one thing, but you guys are the real fans." Also I got a high five from Max Hall. It was magical.

8. On the flip side, BYU lost yesterday :( Sad sad sad sad day. Seriously though, Florida State kicked our butts hardcore. As turnover after turnover was made, I began to hear a series of Mormon curses coming from the crowd around me. "Freak!", "Goshdangit!", and "What the heck!?" were some of my favorites. Haha I love BYU and our clean language even under extreme duress. Very inspiring. Our defense's playing on the other hand: not quite so much. Despite this, I remain a loyal BYU football fan.

9. I got my bangs cut the other day and they look absolutely horrible. Embarrassingly so. Hence, for the next month I will be wearing my bangs clipped back just like in the picture at the beginning of this way long post.

And thus I close mine epistle.

wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow

2009-09-06T03:21:00.008-06:00

Yes, that just happened. I'm giddy. I just got back from the Provo airport where the football team flew in from Dallas, TX just a few short hours after handily beating No. 3 ranked University of Oklahoma. Mmmm what a great night. Well done, boys. Well done.

And it's all thanks to this man.

I love you, BYU :)

i seriously love byu

2009-09-02T23:40:00.006-06:00

BYU is the best place in the world, I'm convinced of it. On Saturday after returning to Provo, I walked up to the bookstore to get my textbooks for the upcoming semester and it felt amazing. I know, weird right? Just walking up rape hill, past the testing center, Eyring science center, and library (where I will be spending a sick amount of time this year) and into the bookstore was Grrrreat! (To quote Tony the Tiger). I know that come midterms I'll have a different take on it, but for the honeymoon week of the fall 2009 semester, I am still completely and naively in love with BYU.

Why? You ask...

Well. Because of my rad rad friends who I now will attempt to name (in order of appearance since my return to Provo):

-Audrey S.
-Rachelle D.
-Jon L. (we need to hang out. soon.)
-Brandon B. (see the above)
-Whitney E. (see the above +we are going to dominate in volleyball. hardcore.)
-Lauren P.
-Crystal B./M.
-Rachel L.
-Ann R.
-Hannah S.
-Kaitlin A./M.
-Ashley V./G.
(funnn girl reunion)
-Adam D.
-Jordan E./C. (I am SO glad you are in my humanities class!)
-Pretty much everybody at the Tfund. I like that place way too much for it to be a job.
-BOYS FROM FRESHMAN YEAR!!
-Brad Tilley
-Shae McPhee
-Andrew Smith
-Stephen Tew
-Sam Parkinson
After tirelessly scanning the faces of everyone I pass on campus for the past 3 days, I have only seen these 5 boys. Sad sad sad. But don't worry ex-freshmen boys, I will find the rest of you... Wait and see.

Just as I suspected, this year has been supafly. I wish I had more to report, but this is it for now.

Oh and one more thing: bonfire on Friday night? I may or may not have been spreading the news abroad... Yes? No? Yes? Yes? Let's do it!

I love you all!

Today

2009-08-24T17:35:00.002-06:00

Today was my last day of work. My last shift at the Bistro was given to another girl (which I am a little angry about), and my last two shifts at the old folks' home were given to another girl (which I am even more angry and pretty sad about). Altogether that is $200 that I would have made. Sad sad sad. But the good news? I am completely done with work!! Yay! I am getting ridiculously excited to go back to Provo. And I'm excited to live with Rachelle and Audrey. Those girls=cool. Hence, I strongly suspect that this year will=cool.

4 days until BYU!!

i love love

2009-08-23T01:13:00.003-06:00

Today I went to a wedding. It was very cool. This might be hard to believe, but I have never actually seen one before. With Mormon culture being the [awesome] way it is, I have sat in waiting rooms in temples during weddings, but have never actually been present for the wedding part of the wedding. I am not close with either the bride or the groom from today, but it was so cool to actually see! Maybe it's because I am a girl and hard-wired to do this kind of stuff, but I got a tiny bit emotional during the 'I do's'. What? I know, it was weird. But seriously, isn't it cool to think that there are people who love each other and want to be with each other for the rest of their lives? I loved it and want to become a wedding-attending enthusiast from this point onward. Actually, now that I think about it, I got a little teary when Crystal came out of the Denver temple with Scott. I think 21.5 years of life has turned me into a softie. The only downside of the whole thing was that I was wearing these:
and had to hike for about a mile through the rocky, hilly, dusty wilderness to get to the wedding location. That part was not fun.

New Obesssion

2009-08-21T22:57:00.003-06:00

Prior to just recently, I had never read Pride & Prejudice by Jane Austen. After finishing it, I can say that it completely, 100% lives up to its reputation. That book is good. After finishing it, I went straight to movie gallery and rented the Focus Feature version of it. I have watched it an alarming number of times and don't plan on returning it any time soon despite the two messages I have received from Movie Gallery asking me to bring it back. Bad idea, I know, but I just want to keep watching it! I have decided that when I am a high school English teacher, I am going to make my students read it and then, for the fun of it (and the boys), I will have them read this:

While perusing Borders, I happened upon this lovely little contribution to American literature. Can you imagine the essay prompts for that experiment? I am excited. Here's an excerpt if you aren't intrigued yet:

“Come, Darcy,” said Mr. Bingley, “I hate to see you standing by yourself in this stupid manner. You had much better dance.”

“I certainly shall not. You know how I detest it.”

“I would not be as fastidious as you are for a kingdom! I never met with so many pleasant girls in my life as I have this evening; and several of them are uncommonly pretty.”

Before Mr. Darcy could respond, a chorus of screams filled the assembly hall, immediately joined by the shattering of window panes. Unmentionables scrambled in, their movements clumsy yet swift; their burial clothing in a range of untidiness.

Guests who had the misfortune of standing near the windows were seized and feasted on at once. Elizabeth watched Mrs. Long struggle to free herself as two female dreadfuls bit into her head, cracking her skull like a walnut, and sending a shower of dark blood spouting as high as the chandeliers."

Ew ew ew.

Okay, I'm going to go watch my stolen movie again... Everybody have a good night!

Not to post twice in one day or anything...

2009-08-21T01:50:00.003-06:00

But. I am going to just do it. Today during my usual facebook perusal/stalking session, I saw some pictures on someone's page from Y mountain overlooking Provo and I felt a little pang in my heart. I miss that place! If you would have asked me about it a few years ago, I would have died if I would have known how much I have come to love 'Happy Valley'. Over the past 3 years though, Provo really has become my home. Not really my home because my family doesn't live there, but my home because that is where my life is. Make sense? When I come home (to Oregon), I feel like I'm on vacation from my life. It always feels good, but by the end of it, I am definitely ready to go back. Like now for example. . . Sigh, one week left.

There are a few obstacles left before takeoff though, and I am not looking forward to all of them (some I am though).
- 2 more days at Baker Bistro
- 3 more days at Meadowbrook
- 1 sacrament meeting talk (still haven't started preparing it. . . )
- 1 Sunday school lesson (still haven't even looked at it. . . )
- finish reading Letters to a Young Poet and Oliver Twist
and perhaps the most challenging of all:
- packing

How I am going to get everything down to school in my little car is another puzzle that I'm gonna need to figure out. In the meantime, everybody get ready to party! We are going to have so. much. fun. this year!

case study: the elderly

2009-08-20T16:21:00.010-06:00

The other day as I was walking through Barnes & Noble (one of my two favorite stores on this planet (the other being Sephora)), I happened to catch the tail-end of an exchange between a man who could not be a year younger than 75 and a Barnes & Noble worker. I don't remember what it is that she asked him, but his reply to her question was, "I always try everything once." Bad grammar aside, his response made me laugh. More accurately, this particular response coming from a dentured mouth made me laugh. I can only hope that when I am in my 70's I possess the same sense of adventure.

Hello hello hello!

2009-08-05T23:33:00.002-06:00

Well errabody, I have been holding out on you a bit. I have a new blog :) feel free to peruse if you wish. I have become completely obsessed with running and created it to document said obsession. Anyway, have a look if you wish. If not, that's cool too. But just in case you're curious... here it is.

UPdate!

2009-05-21T11:25:00.009-06:00

Hellooo everyone! It's been awhile since I last blogged, so I figured that I should let y'all know some of the things going on in Baker, Oregon. Btw, I have been hardcore stalking you all via blog. It's pretty sweet.

Okay, first things first. I am not going on a mission. That one is a little hard to announce because it makes me sad. Pretty much what happened was that I got everything done and taken care of and immediately after my stake president interview, I didn't feel right about it and went to talk to him about it the next day. He told me that he was going to transfer my papers to my bishop in Oregon, but about a week later, I decided that the mission is off for sure. Meaning: I'll be in Provo in the fall. Ready to party.

As for right now, I've been hanging out with people named Velma, Thelma, Myrtle, Erma, Harry, Virgil, and Betty. Yep, I party with the elderly. It's a bit sad to me that my social life has been reduced to this. Technically it's for my job (I'm a caregiver at an assisted living home), but I don't like that I spend more time with people fifty years older than me than with my friends. And I have seen them all naked. It's not cool.

On the bright side, there are only 15 days until I will be experiencing this:

THE CARIBBEAN!

And I'm planning on looking like this girl by the end of it:

It's Official

2009-04-17T15:07:00.002-06:00

After watching the midnight showing of 17 Again with my besties, I am now a fan.

(this picture is my laptop background)

Going going going...

2009-04-02T03:15:00.004-06:00

Alright people, game’s up. I know what everyone is thinking. During this time when we are all waiting with bated breath to find out where in the world I will be serving my soon-to-be illustrious and soul-saving mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, you all want to know what to get me as a going away present. Well. Here I am with your answer! All I want from you, yes you, is stationary. ‘Why?’ You ask. The answer is simple: so that I will be able to write letters to you whilst on the afore-mentioned mission. Please, please, no grandiose shows of affection and/or admiration. All I desire is stationary. With your address attached :)

My New Favorite Thing:

2009-04-01T13:23:00.003-06:00

Tumblr.

Loraina Binning: My Little Asian Muse

2009-03-24T00:08:00.003-06:00

As of five minutes ago, I have a secret blog. Below is my first secret post (I thought I'd share, so as not to be rude. And yes, I am aware that this makes me look a little obsessed with Loraina.):

I would like to say that Loraina Binning is a genius. Apparently she has 2 secret blogs that she has not invited any of us to read. As a result of this, I am equally offended and impressed. I want a secret blog! And THIS is the product of my envy, a copycat version of Loraina's brainchild. I don't understand how that girl's mind works. Seriously, I wish I had her creativity. I tell her all the time that her blog is my favorite to read. She probably thinks I am just joking or something, but I am constantly impressed with that girl. I want her brain. I covet her brain. I've always thought that mine possessed moderate amounts of creativity, but I've got nothing on that girl. So here I am, copying Loraina with my very own secret blog. Too bad she won't be able to read it. Turnabout's fair play! Muwahahaha.

Recluse

2009-02-14T01:02:00.003-07:00

I think that I am secretly a really private person. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love to socialize just as much as the next girl, but more and more frequently I find myself indulging in a weekend spent with a book rather than friends. During these nights, I usually turn my phone on silent and feel horribly guilty every time the screen lights up. Not guilty enough, however, to check and see who is calling or texting. Usually when this happens, I pause briefly as the moral dilemma unfolds in my mind. Do I answer and try to come up with a socially acceptable reason for not wanting to hang out or do I just ignore it and pretend like I never saw anyone calling? This conflict usually lasts as long as it takes for my phone to direct the caller to voicemail, at which point my mental argument resolves itself. Sighing with relief at not having to have made the decision, I dive back into the pages, my feelings of guilt dissipating as quickly as the plot of my book thickens.

I think I'm reverting back to the time period immediately following my family's move to Oregon (read: I had no friends. It was pretty cool.) or something. I remember staying in during recesses so that I could read rather than try to make new friends. Life for 10-year-old Dani Richards was not easy, take my word for it. My anti-social behavior got so bad that my teachers organized a parent-teacher conference for the sole purpose of limiting the amount of time I could spend avoiding my peers. Ironically, the next (and last) emergency parent-teacher conference held during my educational career took place during middle school when both Mrs. Raley (my evil English teacher) and Mr. Blankenship (my evil Science teacher) became annoyed at the amount of socializing I tried to get away with in the middle of their classes...

Looking back, I can't decide which part of me is more 'me'. Is it possible to be equal amounts of both? And we're talking about being antisocial and supersocial btw. I guess it ultimately doesn't matter as long as you are doing what makes you happy, right?

On a completely different note, is this post a little emo? I have a sneaking suspicion and horror that I'm slowly becoming one of THEM. But on the other hand, I have recently decided to do whatever I want and say what I am thinking about saying regardless of the social ramifications. So you know what? Judge me however you want. I do not care.

Okay those last few sentences were definitely emo. Maybe I should just embrace it...

On Creeping

2009-01-16T02:16:00.007-07:00

I am a bit creepy. I have always been aware of it, but I have decided that today is the day to air my creepy laundry, so to speak.

Two examples:

1. Some girl I have neither met nor seen named Dani who lives in Texas somewhere. How do I know about this girl? Well, it all started back last year when Hannah and I decided to join the world of blogs (you all are welcome, by the way). When prompted to choose a blog address, my initial thought was to use danosaur.blogspot.com. Turns out, someone already was using it. Heinous, I know. After much deliberation, I finally settled on danidanosaur.blogspot.com (which, by the way, I am still not the biggest fan of...). Some three months later (I'm surprised it took me that long to do this), I typed danosaur.blogspot.com into the address bar, curious to see what kind of person was utilizing my preferred blog address. I was shocked to find a scripture from Alma in the Book of Mormon on her page. I couldn't believe it! Turns out the author is LDS too! Becoming more and more curious, I read all of her posts. Her blog is hilarious! I love it. I think that if I knew her in real life, we would be friends. Maybe. She might be creeped out by how much I know about her though...

2. Daniel C. Richards. I'm sorry for those of you who have heard this story multiple times. I can't help myself. I will go to my grave laughing about it...
Our story begins in the Fall of 2006. I was a bright-eyed freshman ready to explore all of the amenities that BYU had to offer (read: attractive men). When a copy of the student directory appeared outside of my door one night, I eagerly looked up every person I knew (which was like 4 at the time). Then I looked myself up. I don't know what prompted me to do this, but eventually I found the name of several Daniel Richardses. My full name is Danielle Christine Richards, so I was thoroughly thrilled to discover a boy by the name of Daniel C. Richards. In the directory. That had magically appeared outside of my door. Waiting for me to take action. So I did. I added his number to my contacts on my cell phone while I deliberated what exactly I should do with it. Months down the road (almost a year, actually), I went to call my friend, Daniel Quick. Imagine my surprise when my friend suddenly confesses that he has no recollection of me. I thought this was unusual and glanced down at my phone only to realize that I had accidentally called Daniel C. Richards. Yikes. When it came out that we had the exact same name (apparently he goes by Danny), he asked all kinds of probing questions like, "Why did you call me?", "Who are you?", and "How did you get this number?" It was awkward, to say the least. After coming up with the most convincing lie that I was capable of on the spot, we agreed to meet on campus during Fall semester of the next year (I was at home in Oregon at the time). I still have that number, but have never contacted him again. I'm thinking about texting him sometime though.

Jordie

2009-01-12T13:08:00.002-07:00

I couldn't help but think of you when I finished making this background. I wish it was still summer and we still had fun with cemetery and canyon adventures! At least we still have John... I love you!

ps: I hear he's making a new album. Meaning...John Mayer concert part II. Yes?

Two Roads Diverged in a Yellow Wood...

2008-11-23T20:48:00.006-07:00

This past week I realized that I am currently standing at the proverbial life crossroads I have been warned about all of my life. Being the life-long resenter of responsibilities that I am, these crossroads are definitely not something I am enjoying. Allow me to explain my situation first.

First: MY MAJOR
Not long ago, I had a conversation with my friend Savannah Damschen from high school about how crappy it is for people to tell us that we can take our time trying to figure out what we want to study because it's simply is not true. The longer we take to figure it out, the more money we spend. And THAT is the truth. The first major in my college career that I thought I would like was History. I'm not even going to go into the details on that, but essentially History is one of those majors that you reeeaally can't do anything with once you graduate. Plan aborted. Next: Humanities. This is the track that my classes would indicate that I am still on. When people asked me what I thought about my major, I told them that I loved it and that it was perfect for me. Turns out I was lying to them and myself. One morning I woke up, needing to get to my Humanities class. In the midst of the hairspray, clothes and makeup, the realization dawned on me that I absolute detest humanities. I hate the classes, I hate the subject matter, and I hate the testing lab. So here I am, a Junior at BYU, major-less. How bleak. Currently, I am thinking that Communications with an emphasis in PR would be good, but let's face it, I have no idea. And I'm running out of time.

Second: Mission/No Mission
I'm not going to lie to you and tell you that I have wanted to go on a mission all of my life. Only recently (as in the past few months) is this something that I've gotten excited about. Lately though, as I seriously consider it, my conviction to go changes from hour to hour. I'm not sure, but I think I should be a bit more sure about this decision before I plunge head-long into it...

Third: $$$
I decided awhile ago that I want to be financially independent from my parents. Right now, they pay what's left of my tuition after my Leo Adler scholarship does its job. I am very grateful to my parents for helping me to pursue an education, but I'm at the point in my life where I just need to take care of myself, I think.

Fourth: School vs. Work (And other things...)
In order for me to become financially independent, I need to be able to support myself. At this point, I can't pay for the upcoming semester by myself. Along with this is the fact that in order to get into the Communications program, I want to have less than 75 credits, which I am very close to. So what I'm thinking right now is that I want to go to school part-time, work at the Telefund, get another job, and raise enough money to be able to pay for myself to go to school full-time for Fall Semester 2009.

In the midst of chewing over all of these issues, I remembered a Robert Frost poem (likely from one of my now-worthless Humanities classes) about making decisions:

The Road Not Taken
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet, knowing how way leads onto way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
-Robert Frost

Honestly though, I really don't see any solutions in there. Thanks, Rob. Thanks a lot.

Carmex, Blistex, and Brandon Bailey

2008-11-10T13:18:00.007-07:00

In my lifetime I have tried many brands of lip products, but I have never found anything to compare with Carmex. I love the way it smells, how tingly it is, how lightweight it is, and how healthy it makes my lips look. Plus, it's really cheap. And guys can use it as well. Which reminds me of an incident involving my friend Brandon Bailey... Okay story time. One night Brandon called me raving about this new chapstick he had bought that his sister had recommended to him. Apparently, he said, it makes your lips silky smooth. I asked him what kind it was and he responded that it was Blistex Lip Infusion. This was actually a product that I was familiar with, so I paused before breaking his heart and informing him that Blistex Lip Infusion is really a lip gloss and only to be worn by men who wish they were women. Brandon adamantly disagreed and a few moments later showed up on our doorstep to prove me wrong, his lips gleaming and glistening in the light. After much hysterical laughter and an examination in front of the mirror, he conceded and gave it to me. Shoot we had some good times last year. I miss it!

Classical Civilization

2008-09-18T15:45:00.003-06:00

Boring. Never take it.

My Blog for Hannah Shirley

2008-09-03T16:34:00.004-06:00

Don't go to Scotland. They are heathens.
I want you here in Provo, safe in my arms.

What I Live For

2008-08-28T03:04:00.003-06:00

I love this place. I don't even think 'love' is a strong enough word. The only thing that I don't like is that I have not personally met Cecil O. because I am his biggest fan.

My Life as a Bookworm

2008-08-21T19:06:00.004-06:00

Today I went through some of the boxes in my attic looking for some books I had used freshman year. In my search, I happened upon a boxful of the many books I had read as a kid. During 4th and 5th grades in particular, I loved to read. To the point where it was a bit unhealthy. You see, my family had moved from Roy, Utah to Baker City, Oregon and being a bit shy, I had virtually no friends during the first few years. In lieu of social interaction, I read everything (with a sub-junior high reading level) I could get my hands on. My favorites were the Baby-Sitter's Club series. Looking through the boxes, I found more than 50 different books written by Anne M. Martin. I was shocked not by the number, but by the fact that I could recall the specific plot of each story. Isn't it sad that I can remember Mary Anne's boyfriend's name (Logan) and Stacy's favorite store in New York City (Bloomingdale's) but not the phases of Mitosis from freshman year or even my class schedule from a few semesters back? I hate that I don't read as voraciously as I used to. I have an obsession with Barnes & Noble and purchase a new book virtually every time I go, but rarely do I find a book that I enjoy as completely as I did when I was a little kid. I wonder why that is. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that reading has become a chore now that I'm in college and I dread having to take time out of my day to read assignments for class. Maybe if I viewed my college readings in the same way that I did Nancy Drew mysteries, The Boxcar Children series, or the Babysitter's Club I would get a lot more out of my education. Wow, I think I just walked myself into an epiphany. That is going to be my goal for upcoming semester, to be excited for my readings. And since my major is Humanities and so much of what I read is literature, I think it should work out pretty well. We'll see how it goes though. I am secretly excited for school to start again. I love starting over.

Awwwkwwward

2008-08-18T09:20:00.003-06:00

As mentioned in my post from last night, I am sitting in a bedroom at Loraina's sister's retired parents-in-law's house. What makes this so awkward? The fact that Loraina is at work. I have heard them moving around upstairs and outside of my room for the past hour and a half, but can't muster up the willpower to leave my fortress and face them. Turns out I'm not as much of a people-person as I thought...Which is bad right now in particular because I really have to pee. Which reminds me. I think I might have diabetes.
Also, I hate waiting! This is completely unrelated to what I was just saying, but waiting is the worst. People always ask me why my ideas for things to do are so last minute. The answer is simple: to cut the waiting time down as much as possible. I like the amount of time between the idea and the idea's execution to be very small.
Well, I guess I should go ahead and leave now. I can't stay in here all day. Too bad...

H-O-T

2008-07-14T00:51:00.007-06:00

Well blogging world, it's been awhile. I realized how incredibly long it has been the other day while on the phone with my mom when she mentioned that I haven't written for awhile. I feel a little bad that this particular entry is my reintroduction to the world of blog though. Usually I have some great point to make or story to tell but at this moment I am at a loss. I wish I had something profound to call to the attention of my loyal readers, but alas all I can say is this: I love people. At this moment in particular I love my new buddies Jordan, Beth, Alena, and Bethanie. These girls are so amazing and my summer has improved exponentially since I have started spending time with them.

Also, I never realized the amount of fun available to Provo residents. This summer, some of the exciting things I have done are:
Ghost hunting
Night Hiking
Kayaking
Feeding my Taco Bell addiction
Watching scary movies in Provo Canyon at night
Sleepovers
SLC Trips
Bonfires

There is even more to come on the agenda:
Visiting a local ghost town
Geo caching
Going to the Zoo
Riding on the Heber Creeper
Fishing
Boating
The aquarium
The Alpine Slide
Relief Society Girl's Camp
John Mayer concert
Colorado road trip
Thanksgiving Point gardens
The new Batman movie
Camping
The Drive-in

I love summer.

It's All Coming Back to Me Now

2008-04-25T00:42:00.005-06:00

Okay, I wrote this poem last night about my college experiences with Crystal Baune, Loraina Binning, Lauren Pack, Meagan Sanders, and Hannah Shirley. I think the words describe the last two years perfectly. I love you girls!

There were nights when the wind was so cold
That my body froze in bed
If I just listened to it
Right outside the window

There were days when the sun was so cruel
That all the tears turned to dust
And I just knew my eyes were
Drying up forever

I finished crying in the instant that you left
And I can't remember where or when or how
And I banished every memory you and I had ever made

But when you touch me like this
And you hold me like that
I just have to admit
That it's all coming back to me
When I touch you like this
And I hold you like that

It's so hard to believe but
It's all coming back to me
(With tambourine) It's all coming back, it's all coming back to me now

There were moments of gold
And there were flashes of light
There were things I'd never do again
But then they'd always seemed right
There were nights of endless pleasure
It was more than any laws allowed
Baby Baby

If I kiss you like this
And if you whisper like that
It was lost long ago
But it's all coming back to me
If you want me like this
And if you need me like that
It was dead long ago
But it's all coming back to me
It's so hard to resist
And it's all coming back to me
I can barely recall
But it's all coming back to me now
But it's all coming back

There were those empty threats and hollow lies
And whenever you tried to hurt me
I just hurt you even worse
And so much deeper

There were hours that just went on for days
When alone at last we'd count up all the chances
That were lost to us forever (forever)

But you were history with the slamming of the door
And I made myself so strong again somehow
And I never wasted any of my time on you since then

But if I touch you like this
And if you kiss me like that
It was so long ago
But it's all coming back to me
If you touch me like this
And if I kiss you like that
It was gone with the wind
But it's all coming back to me
It's all coming back, it's all coming back to me now

There were moments of gold
And there were flashes of light
There were things we'd never do again
But then they'd always seemed right
There were nights of endless pleasure
It was more than all you laws allow
BABY, BABY, BABY

When you touch me like this
And when you hold me like that
It was gone with the wind
But it's all coming back to me
When you see me like this
And when I see you like that
Then we see what we want to see
All coming back to me
The flesh and the fantasies
All coming back to me
I can barely recall
But it's all coming back to me now

If you forgive me all this
If I forgive you all that
We forgive and forget
And it's all coming back to me
When you see me like this
And when I see you like that
We see just what we want to see
All coming back to me
The flesh and the fantasies
All coming back to me
I can barely recall but it's all coming back to me...now

It's all coming back to me now
And when you kiss me like this
It's all coming back to me now
And when I touch you like that
It's all coming back to me now
If you do it like this
It's all coming back to me now
And if we . . . (imaginations go wild)

We should see if we can get this made into a song or something.

On Feminism

2008-04-18T11:40:00.011-06:00

Last semester I was sitting in my history class when the professor began a lecture on the Feminist Movement of the mid-20th century. He began by asking the question, "How many of you believe the word 'feminist' has a negative connotation?' I watched, intrigued, as every male in the classroom raised a hand. Mine remained motionless in my lap while my mind chewed over this interesting little observation. At some point the lecture drifted to the 1968 Miss America Beauty Pageant protest where the term 'bra burning' originated. During the course of the protest, a trash can was filled with bras, high heels, corsets, curlers, etc. to symbolize a complete disassociation with traditional feminist ideals. The 400 or so women assembled discussed burning these items but were not able to obtain a permit, leaving the alleged 'instruments of torture' intact. At this point in the lecture, the boy sitting next to me said loudly, "Now if there had been a boy scout there they would have been able to get the job done." Snickers followed (from the male half of the room, I presume, as the majority of females present were likely Girls Camp graduates, well versed in the art of campfire-building).

Now just to be clear, I think bra burning sounds like a really stupid idea. Physically it makes sense to wear a bra. Financially it makes sense not to burn bras (they cost about $40 a pop). One thing that does make sense though is the idea that women competing against each other to prove whose body is most appealing is fundamentally wrong (which was the way that the Miss America Pageant was going down in 1968). Especially when considering the fact that only a very small percentage of females are able to healthily attain the ideal body as depicted in the media. That however is a whole different post entirely.

If I have not already revealed myself, I would like to take this opportunity to come out as a feminist. Not as a feminist in the traditional manner of speaking, but as a feminist who believes that being feminine and completely different from men is a beautiful thing. The irony of the feminist movement is that its objective was to, in a sense, masculinize women while at the same time standing against everything men represented. Mmm I love a good paradox. I really believe that breasts, hips, maternal inclinations, soft features, sensitivity, and smelling good are not bad things! Unfortunately, these protesters got 95% of the feminist movement wrong. Interesting, isn't it?

Hair So Healthy it Shines

2008-04-16T12:31:00.009-06:00

When I was about 8 years old I saw a commercial that changed my life. Never has an advertisement company achieved its objective so perfectly as it did for me and Jill with Pantene Pro-V shampoo and conditioner. We begged our mom for weeks to buy us 'Pantene Pro-V, for hair so healthy it shines.' Finally she conceded and purchased it for us. I remember that it was afternoon when she walked through the door from the store, but I anxiously grabbed it and headed straight for the shower so that it could immediately begin to work its magic on my locks. For the next few hours after use, I took every available opportunity to check the mirror, waiting for my hair to transform into the impossibly shiny voluminous tresses depicted in THE COMMERCIAL. It never happened. 12 years later and against the advice of every hair stylist I've ever been to, I still use Pantene Pro-V. Apparently it 'coats the hair follicle in wax'. Contrary to the speculations of some of my disillusioned girlfriends in high school, there is absolutely no doubt in my mind as to whether or not this is true. It just doesn't make sense that hair stylists everywhere have a secret union with the objective of putting Pantene Pro-V out of business (I used to think this was the case). I know they are making little girls think their hair can look computer-animated perfect and are coating my hair in grease, but I just don't care. I'm holding out for it to someday start working like I wanted it to when I was 8.

I Single-Handedly Keep the US Economy in Balance

2008-04-15T20:58:00.009-06:00

There are a lot of things that feel really sucky in this world. For example stress, hypothermia is supposed to be pretty painful, and being eaten alive would be up there too. It has taken me 20 years 2 months and 18 days to discover that I haaate climbing out of a warm car. For some reason, being in a car is one of the most comforting sensations to me. As a product of the Technology Age, I am almost physically incapable of accomplishing simple tasks without the aid of music. My little green 1996 Ford Taurus (with a matching swanky green interior) enables me to listen to any kind of music I desire. First of all in the form of radio. Second, an ipod adapter that connects to 1. radio frequencies or 2. the tape deck (I possess both...just in case). Another amenity offered in the vehicle is a controllable climate. This is essential. I have long suspected that I possess a medical irregularity. Anyone who has lived with me would attest to this fear. For some reason, my body's natural temperature is 3 degrees warmer than all other human beings ( I suspect). I am always cold. In my car I can crank the heat up until the interior resembles a tropical rain forest at midday. This is a beautiful thing. Other lesser perks: cup holders, cruise control, mobility, windshield wipers. Thank you Henry Ford for your exploitation of the labor class in order for me to know these joys. All these reasons combined amount to me loathing climbing out of a car. Whether or not I am driving does not matter. In order to avoid this experience, it is not uncommon for me to drive around for inordinate amounts of time "finding a parking spot." As you can imagine, this habit has a pretty significant pitfall. In the form of gasoline consumption. Which, if you pay even casual attention to the economy you would know, is not cheap. I firmly believe that the amount of gasoline I purchase in order to fuel my addiction and car (ha) keeps the United States from spiraling into a depression to rival that of the 1930s.
Having gotten that off of my chest, I have one more thing to say:
Mom, don't be mad when you read this. If it is any consolation, I am a very good driver. I have never gotten a ticket, gotten in a wreck, or fallen asleep at the wheel. One time however, I did hit a pedestrian. Long story.

W.J.

2008-04-14T22:52:00.009-06:00

I have a confession to make. I would say this confession is directed to the world in general but to Claire Hoffman especially. First of all, let me preface this story with a description of a man named Warren Jeffs. He is perhaps the most notorious polygamist in existence today. If that isn't creepy enough, he is charged with two counts of rape as an accomplice and currently resides in the Utah State Prison serving two lifetime sentences. The guy's a straight up weirdy. So one Sunday night Hannah comes to me with an idea: make a facebook profile for this guy. I immediately hop on board.

Throughout the next few days we spend literally hours adding friends. I would say only about 10-20% of the people we added actually accepted our friend request and one girl specifically requested that we leave her alone. Ultimately we accrue about 150 friends over the course of 3 days. Among these is a woman named Claire Hoffman. This honestly is the hugest coincidence I have ever encountered, so stay tuned. The day she accepts our friends request Claire writes on our wall:

"warren: are you mormon?"

Upon reading this I respond: "awkward subject... we aren't on the best terms. they would say that i'm "excommunicated", but i just like to say we're on hiatus from each other."

A few days later, being LDS myself, I become curious about why she would ask that question. It was totally random. I look at her profile and realize that she has two masters degrees, one in journalism and one in religion. After closer examination I discover that she writes for the Washington Post. The freaking Washington Post! Unbeknownst to us, the day before we added her she had written an article about the very man we were impersonating. Here's a link to it:

http://newsweek.washingtonpost.com/onfaith/undergod/2008/04/polygamy_and_intrusion.html

In this article she refers to Warren Jeffs and his creepy little clan of followers as Mormons. Understandably, she received a lot of backlash because of this from members of my church. The day after I responded to her question, she wrote another article in response to the backlash. AND SHE QUOTED WHAT WE SAID! Here it is, read away:

http://newsweek.washingtonpost.com/onfaith/undergod/2008/04/readers_response_whats_in_a_na.html

That very day our Warren Jeffs profile got disabled by administrators for claiming to be someone we were not.

So what's the moral of this story? You win some, you lose some. But the loss might be worth it to be quoted in the Washington Post.

Numero Uno

2008-04-14T16:36:00.000-06:00

Hello world, and welcome to my mind. Wow, how exhilarating. Okay so...ummm...I can't think of anything clever to say. So yeah...more to come later.